Nour’s physical appearance, his body are gone. Nour will not come back.
When I first knew about his suicide, I was in complete denial. This could not have happened. Not Nour. After making a few calls to confirm the event, I could not longer stand still. I was walking around like an enraged lion in a cage, talking to myself, trying to reason. I was in complete shock. As soon as the first person asked me: “How are you?”, I drowned in my tears. They are not dry yet.
I do not want to talk about how nor why. I do not want to talk about the conspiracy theories, the lies that are circulating nor Nour’s convictions. I don’t care what people say or think, even less when they have never interacted with Nour. I’m in no position to judge a human being. No one is perfect. I just want to talk about Nour, the friend. The friend who left a void behind. I’m filled with confused feelings of anger and sadness. I find myself “OK” one moment and in red burning eyes in another.
I met with a few friends of his, exchanged some words. But it was not enough for me to get closure. I did not sleep that night. (Nor the night before. I was kept awake by the feeling of “there is something wrong but I can’t put my finger on it”). I need my own closure.
I went to Tyre today. I wasn’t in the mood for anything. I was thinking of Nour all the time, seeing his face here and there.
Nour, this day is dedicated to you along with all the photographs I made.
Nour, I miss you. Whatever people think or say about the subject, it doesn’t matter. What is done is done. We will all die one day. You have imposed your “fait accompli”. Peace.